Codependent
by PuddleFullOfFangirlFeels
Summary: Tony Stark and Pepper Potts made a promise to always be there for each other. Pepper has always been the one to clean up the mess though. But it's different now. Tony's not the only one with sleepless nights and nemesis plaguing his thoughts and he may need to fix the one thing he can't live without in a way that has nothing to do with Extremis. Post Iron Man 3, Pepper centered
1. Nightmares

I've watched Iron Man 3 two times and am still a bit bitter about the lack of Pepper. I get it, it's about Tony, but given that she too has some shitty things to deal with, and that I had been lead to believe (by interviews and press conferences with RDJ in Lederhosen) that this movie's core is Tony and Pepper, and that there's more to Aldrich's and Pepper's relationship/friendship/whatever than just him kidnapping her to piss Tony off, an itsy bitsy part of me in the theatres was dissapointed. So I wrote this and wanted to publish it to hear your thoughts. I know I make commas way too often, you'll have to excuse me. My mother tongue is german and, we, use, commas, a, lot, like, A LOT. I'd be more than happy if you could point out some mistakes.

Also, the reason why Tony hardly has lines is because I (sadly) lack the vocabulary and american culture references to _not_ screw it up. And because Pepper is a babe and people need to cut her some slack. Somebody on tumblr pointed out that, when we see Pepper get injected with Extremis, she seems to be saying "Tony, make it stop!", which then causes him to jerk back and look away (oh my bbs/3) Oh, and Pepper backstory is the best, y/y?

* * *

Tony wasn't the only one who suffered from PTSD.

Pepper may never admit it to anyone but Tony, but the recent events had worn her out. She'd had a lot to take in with Tony's absence (and constantly telling herself that the sleepless nights where due to her hectic job) and Obadiah Stane. And then Hammer's druids almost killed her, and _then_ she had to watch the man she loved with every fibre of her being willingly fly into a black wormhole with a missile on his back. The nightmares were never as hard as Tony's (never as_ important_) and would sometimes not reoccur for weeks, months even, but still. She had a big business to run and a boyfriend who would lock himself in his workshop for days and not even let her in.

But unlike Tony, she always had ways to cope with them. Every night when Obadiah was intent on killing her, or when innocent civilians died like flees around her, she'd do the ritual her father had taught her when she was too scared to go to school because of bullies who would push her into lockers. She knew it by heart.

1. Sit on the edge of the bed and close your eyes

2. focus on breathing steadily

3. grip the mattress, try to convince your mind that you're safe, you're safe, _you're not dead_

4. Picture the happiest moment in your life that randomly comes to your mind and focus on it. At first it was trips to New York with her mother, story time with her father. Now most of her moments had been shared with Tony.

5. Repeat this for as long as you need and if you feel yourself slipping again, knock on your parent's door and sleep in their bed. Both of her parents were dead now though, she hadn't given her mother enough time of her week and then she was dead and her father had followed shortly after. Now her options were more limited.

It felt like a safety rope, reminded her of home when her mind was full of ashes and burnt buildings.

After Killian, after feeling your skin slowly peeling off your body and at the same time getting healed by a fiery spot in the back of your head, after thinking you were dead for 5 whole minutes and especially after crawling out of a fiery pit with both of your arms and legs broken, it lost its effect. Tony still wasn't fully well again, but neither was she. They both held onto each other during the night, both screaming for the other and neither knowing what to do. Tony dreamt of New York and the Mandarin, Pepper's dreams were filled with fire and Killian's face, his daily flirtations, the way he had gone ballistic and had crowded her against the wall after telling him about her plans of leaving A.I.M. Tony seemed to like her immediately because she knew how to handle him, but truth be told, his mood swings could never be worse than Killian's. No one could scare Pepper Potts like her old boss, not even aliens and Tony's self destructing tendencies.

When they had infected her with Extremis, he had been present at first, his disgusting hand stroking her cheek as if she were his plaything, his trophy. The pain had been everywhere, she swore she could smell her insides burning, could see death coming her way. She had been screaming and weeping for Tony (_"Tony, make it stop!"_) and closure while the guards had been laughing at her weakness, with the same glowing colour radiating from their body as Pepper's. Even after all of that, she could still feel death nearby, in the form of her exploding and possibly killing Tony as well.

When she first started again, Tony was in the workshop, trying to cure her from the time bomb that was planted in her brain. She didn't know how many times she had to buy another pillow, or blanket, because it was burnt to ash (secretly hoping Tony didn't notice, but he did). It was embarrassing. To be so out of control.

She hadn't told him at first, too scared it might increase his own PTSD (He never referred to it as that, he just called it his 'little problem'). But this wasn't right, she'd told herself. 'I need him and he deserves to know.' His expression was heartbreaking, but he'd reassured her that he'd always be there for her. And he held that promise. Now Tony was always present when she was going to bed and always watching her carefully while she drifted off to sleep. He woke up instantly as soon as she started crying, or burning, or both.

"Pepper, you're going to be fine," he whispered while she was trying to cool down. "I'll fix you and then I'll fix myself and it's gonna be just like it used to."

Her heavy breathing caused her to whisper so quietly that Tony had to position himself mere centimetres away from her face for him to understand her. "Stupid," she whispered and coughed, which worried Tony even more. "He called me stupid. And shallow. That I'd never get into a big company, because he was my only option. The only thing I could turn to. He ... promised that he'd make me pay for leaving him." Once she started talking, she couldn't quite seem to stop. Her mouth closed and opened and somehow she formed words. "I worked for him for 5 years and at times he was fine but on other days ... I didn't ... couldn't ..."

"Pepper, he won't hurt you any more. He won't come looking for you." When it was finally safe to touch her again, Tony began to stroke her back. She felt so sorry for him, the circles around his eyes were just as bad as hers, his expression just as worn out and yet here he was, trying to be her therapist. It hurt her to know that her weakness jeopardized his own recovery. "You're safe, here, with me. You kicked his ass, remember?"

What was supposed to be a laugh came out of her throat mixed between a sob and a cough. Her throat hurt, everything hurt. She needed to see a doctor. "I killed him," she murmured again and again. "I _killed_ someone ... And I don't even regret it." Tony didn't know how to respond, to be quite honest, she didn't either. "I felt so strong and powerful ... I just ..." Pepper's head was rested on Tony's chest while her hands clutched his t-shirt. "I'm ... so scared and I'm not okay and I don't ... don't know how to fix myself ..."

"That's why I'm here, honey," he said, smiled and kissed her hot cheek. "I'll get this damn cure for you and everything will go back to normal. I will be annoying and you will call me out on it, I will tell you what a pain in the ass you can be - even though you're right. And afterwards we're gonna have hot sex against a wall." And this time, both of their faces lit up and somehow fought off the darkness that surrounded them. Together.

In that moment Pepper knew they could get through anything this messed up world could throw at them as long as they had each other, always looking out for the other.


	2. Control

Oh my god, you guys are so great! Thanks so much for reviewing and you have no idea how _happy_ I am that I haven't screwed Tony's part up. Writing him is such a challenge, but I'll try. TBQH, this wasn't supposed to be a multichapter fic, but then again, I could use some excercise. And having 916 views really just made me so fucking happy.

I wrote this chapter in 2 hours and I don't know, I don't like it as much as I like the first one, but it had to be done for the next chapters to make sense. I do like the part about Pepper possibly hurting Tony and freaking out about it, FuyuSarah, that would be very in character. I'll keep that in mind in the next chapter ;-)

Someone has sent me an email asking if we'll see Tony's struggle as well. Yes, and I hope you won't be dissapointed. But I also feel like Iron Man 3 did a good storyline with Tony, it feels like he's almost at the end of his recovery whilst Pepper's has just begun. The MCU really only features the story of men's struggle, because they think that women out of control with their emotions are _unrelatable_. That's pathetic writing at best and just simple misogyny at worst.

I also want to establish that Pepper _does_ have friends outside of Tony, like Rhodey and Happy. Yes, I know, they're Tony's friends as well and that's problematic, but I have seen _so_ many fics talking about how much Rhodey/Happy care for Pepper _because Tony does. _THAT is the biggest bullcrap I've ever seen in fanfics, like Pepper doesn't have a personality outside of being Tony's girlfriend (which isn't even a character trait, it's a mere detail). It's bugging me a lot, what with all the new Iron Man 3 fanfics coming out.

This was kinda on short notice, therefore the next chapters won't come as quickly (sadly), since I'll be going to Italy in a week and have lots of learning for school to do, but I'll try.

* * *

The morning after, Pepper was the first to wake up. Tony didn't even wake up when she slowly crawled out of bed and got rid of her wet t-shirt. It was a present of Tony's, after he had found out about her nightmares and her burning tendencies, he made sure to buy her the same sleeping t-shirt every time she burned it to shreds, knowing it was her favorite. It had two atoms on it saying "I lost an electron!" - "Are you positive?" and when she first wore it around Tony, he'd mocked her for wearing such a lazy joke. Pepper had to sleep in his ones instead (contrary to popular belief, wearing your boyfriend's shirts in bed isn't as comfortable as the internet tells you, especially if he's shorter than you) and somehow, he managed to buy her another copy. And another. And _another_. It went on and on until he got the idea to just buy a bunch of those t-shirts. It was one of the sweetest things he'd ever done for her but of course, he'd just shrug it off and tell her she could make it up to him in bed.

After telling JARVIS to turn down the lights (she had a major headache and aspirin made it worse), she'd go about her usual routine. Make herself and Tony some coffee, check her e-mails, maybe make a few calls. She was so worn out though, every cell in her body was screaming to go back to bed, but that meant sleeping and _that_ meant nightmares. So, coffee was it then.

The coffee was way too hot, but that didn't stop her from pouring it down within minutes. Somehow, hot felt good. _Really_ good. She had recently discovered that she just couldn't stand coldness any longer, it felt like her insides were freezing (maybe they were).

"Ms Potts, Master Stark has just woken up and is on his way," JARVIS told her. A part of her wondered if he would leave her alone again, go into the workshop and shut her out. He hadn't done it as of late, hadn't even dared touch it. Probably to be there for her, but Pepper knew that not working for too long made him anxious. He may never voluntarily show it to her, his twitching hands and nervous stature made it pretty clear though.

Before she had time to think any further, Tony appeared in boxers. His sleep had been just as bad as hers, if not even worse. "Mornin'," he murmured and grabbed the mug Pepper held out for him. She panicked when he neared her, she made it look like she was in deep thought, but in reality she was staring holes into her coffee, scared that he would kiss her. Maybe she wasn't stable enough, maybe she would taste blood, his blood, on her mouth. She didn't want to test the odds.

"Good morning," she just replied and waited for his reaction. 'Is he noticing?' she thought, her eyes fixed on his. 'He is. Keep talking.' "Hope you slept well. I wasn't sure I should wake you-" His lips captured hers in a desperate attempt to make her shut up (a part of her was thankful for that). The sudden coldness made her gasp and Tony, bastard that he was, used this to deepen the kiss. She could feel his tongue sliding inside her mouth and could feel herself slipping into pleasure, moaning and forgetting to breathe. But even through he obvious pleasure, she could tell this wasn't going to end well. Her not thinking straight wasn't good, this was dangerous and _oh god, what if I hurt him, what if ..._

"Tony-" He swallowed her protest like it was nothing, cupped her face with his hands instead and smirked against her lips. _That_ part of her brain was roaring, screaming to be let out, to be given control yet again and handle this. It thought she was being assaulted and reacted accordingly. "TONY STOP!"

This time when she protested, he released her shaking and breathless body. Her surroundings were spinning and after a few minutes of just trying to breathe, the pain coming from her hand informed her of her shattered mug, some parts even _melted_. Tony noticed this too, the blood had been drained out of his face. Weird, his expression made her blood boil. Not only anger, but _fury_ filled her. "Oh my god, I'm so sor-"

"DON'T!" She swore she had no idea how that managed to come out of her throat, so furious and _fierce_. Extremis, her body, was responding to her bleeding hand by finding out the apparent reason, which was standing right in front of her.

Slowly and carefully, her other hand pulled out a piece of her mug out of her flesh and threw it on the floor like it was nothing, it _was_ nothing. It barely hurt but that apparently didn't matter. She was so angry, everything around her turned red and hot. 'I feel like a volcano. Like I'm about to explode ...' Tony never meant to harm her, she _knew_ that, he'd just kissed her, they _just kissed_ ...

"Pepper, tell me what I can do," his helpless voice came up from behind her, he watched her with worrying eyes. "Do you want me to call you a-?"

"I think you've done enough." Was that her? Did she actually just say that?She had no memory of saying that to him, it hadn't even _sounded_ like her, yet here she was, her blood boiling. His silence made it worse. Extremis was doing things to her, it _made_ her hate him. The urgent need to punch him, _repay_ him, popped up in her head. 'Oh god, no.'

"Tony, I'm sorry!" She blurted out, tears streaming down her face. Pepper turned and ... was alone. Tony was gone. She'd just broke his heart and she never wanted to do that, no, not to him, none of this was his fault. He had already blamed himself for not being there when Killian took her, it had taken her a whole week to tell him that he _did _safe her. He saved every day, just by being here, with her, giving her comfort. But now he was gone and she didn't know if he'd come back. When she looked down on her hand, it was completely healed, the only thing remaining her spilled blood and dull feeling like she'd just done something _really_ stupid, Tony-stupid.

Her other hand took her phone, somebody had to help, get this damn thing out of her, make her normal again. She dialed the only person who could help both her and Tony, someone they both trusted. Someone who might help her control it, given that he had experience with this sort of thing.

What followed were the most painful 2 minutes of her life but then, finally, he picked up.

"Mister Banner, are you available for a little trip?"

* * *

Bruce is probably the best person to help Pepper cope, in a way they're just alike. The next chapter won't be as painful, I promise!

Oh, and I DO want to insert Natasha into this. Natasha/Pepper aca Team "Ginger bitches get stuff done" was the saving grace of Iron man 2 for me. They've probably been bonding over Clint/Tony being five year olds after The Avengers. (And this one fic also kinda _sorta_ made me ship them a little) They need to meet for a coffee or something.

This may seem a little weird to you, but from what I've read about Extremis, it changes _everything_ about yourself. That's probably one of the reasons why Pepper doesn't want to keep it, because it's scary to see how much just a little injection can affect you (like your increased aggressive behaviour).


	3. Confessions

About the t-shirt from the last chapter: Remember the scene where Tony and Pepper are sleeping (after having wild shower sex, I imagine)? She's wearing a blue shirt with two atoms on it saying "I lost an electron!" - "Are you positive?" It was _so_ cute.

Oh my god, how did I manage to write this so shortly after the other one? I've no idea, I was sorta inspired and wrote this. Plus, I don't really have a busy schedule these days, maybe I can get myself to write the next chapter until Monday or Tuesday - emphasis on _maybe_. No Natasha or Bruce yet :-(((( but at least I know they'll be coming soon. Again, if I've made any grammatical mistakes, _tell me_. If not, I'm just gonna go ahead and assume it's error free.

Thank you,** Avalon West**, although I do not agree with the "parfait" part ;-) I'm really proud of the title, although I did check twice if I've written it right. And **K**, I've been trying to appear as an english speaker on the Internet, but in real life, I'm as german as one can get. I'm glad to know my efforts weren't in vain. But TBQH, I sincerely doubt we'll get more Pepperony scenes than we've already got. Maybe 2 more (I make it sound like that's bad), I mean, look at the deleted scenes they put in the other Iron Man DVDs. Maybe, once the Bluray comes out, we'll get _lots_ of cut Pepperony scenes (booh) and I can fangirl some more. **LVB**, I'm shocked nobody has written anything for our lovely Pepper yet. I thought people would be dissapointed with the way she was isolated from the world for half of the movie, not to mention I'm not too fond of the damsel in distress (the ending did improve that though) types of storylines, especially if it's used as a plot device for the male hero to open up. **NCISVILLE**, that'd be great! I'd love to have a beta reader, I just didn't think anyone would give in a request or something. :-)

* * *

_Okay, calm down. This is your body, you are in perfect control of your actions and feelings. A stupid injection does _not_ erase the years of hard work you've had to endure to get to this point. You can't just quit because of Killian. Everyone always tells you that you need to be protected, Rhodey, SHIELD, Happy, even Tony. But you know better. You may have never been physically strong, but you've never been weak. If you can handle being CEO of Stark Industries, you can handle this._

"Tony?" She tried to appear cool and in control, but one glance over her panicked face showed quite the contrary. She wasn't in control, she'd just hurt Tony and now she didn't know where he was. Knowing him though, he was probably in his lab, trying to fix her. It broke her heart to know that she could treat him like that and he'd still do everything for her.

The house (similar to their destroyed one in Malibu, this one was totally new, she hadn't even unpacked all her things yet) was completely silent. This wasn't normal. Silence wasn't normal when you're Tony Stark's girlfriend. She'd gotten used to loud, noisy experiments of his, him bickering with her or the Avengers, the Radio, anything. Everything else sounded eerie and alarming to her. Reminded her of her old apartment, abandoned after their kiss on the roof and now only filled with lonely memories and probably new landlords. She didn't miss her old home, living alone had only been comfortable for a few months.

_Don't delve into memories, find Tony._

"JARVIS, where's Tony?" It took awfully long for him to answer, his voice always calming her a little bit. "JARVIS? Tell me where Tony is."

A minute, which seemed like eternity, passed before he responded. "Master Tony is in his lab. He has instructed me not to let you enter."

"Not even Tony Stark can shut me out of my own house," she murmured while practically running towards the lab - bad idea, her body started to feel warmer again, especially her now healed hand seemed to start glowing at any moment. If she wanted to face Tony, she had to be stable, because he sure as hell wasn't. Pepper was always the stable one, the anchor, in their relationship. But now that both of them weren't really in their best shapes, handling casual interaction seemed way harder than it used to. Tony'd even once asked her if it wouldn't be better if she got her own apartment for the next few months. He'd swallowed and stumbled over words and had looked like a lost puppy, wanting her to leave the danger zone and get better but also _not_ wanting her to leave him. He didn't want to be a trigger, she could tell. But he could never be that, not in a million years. And even if he could, she refused to let him become one.

After finally steadying her breath, she opened the door. JARVIS didn't even try to stop her, and she was thankful for that. What awaited her was even more peculiar than her increased aggressive behaviour though: the whole lab had been rearranged. The cars were no longer there, seemingly thrown out, and Tony's usual devices could no longer be found (she doubted he'd thrown them out as well). There was a life sized poster of the human body on a wall, another one of a human brain right next to it. This wasn't a workshop any more - it looked like a conference room for doctors now. And everything seemed bathed into a glowing red. After taking another few steps, she found the source of light - a hologram of the human DNA, or what _looked like_ the human DNA. If only it wasn't glowing extensively.

"You've been rearranging, I see," she began. It caused Tony to jerk back from what he was doing. The sight of him made her insides turn, so small and afraid of how to react. Her immediate repulse was to start with harmless small talk. "Why?"

"I ..." He turned to her, his mouth open and staring at her like he'd never done before. He looked almost _scared,_ of her. He coughed. "Needed some space. I can't fix you if I don't have the right devices." His cold ego was speaking again, shutting her out.

Unable to handle the situation and feeling so vulnerable and awful, she lunged forward to wrap her arms around his stomach and squeezed him tightly before she buried her face in his neck. He was exhausted and sweaty, but she didn't mind one bit. "I'm sorry," she whispered with closed eyes. "I'm _so_ so sorry ..." This wasn't right, it wasn't supposed to happen. He wasn't at fault here, no matter how much he took (or wanted to take) the blame.

"I don't ... I don't understand."

She sighed and kissed the parts of him she could reach in this position. He automatically tensed up, but held her hands in his. "I overreacted. It's just ... You can't surprise me like that. I need to be in charge of my body and Extremis, it ... it changes me, makes me violent and harsh. Not you." He stirred in her grip and she let him go, waiting for him to face her. He looked utterly confused.

"So ..." He still seemed a little unsure, but at least he wasn't shutting her out again. "You're _not_ angry?"

"Not with you." He wanted to say something, she cut him off like he'd done before. This was the first time she'd ever overcame herself and talked with him about this. This was important, it needed to be said. Tony needed to hear it, no matter how many times she'd thought it in her head. "This ... this _thing_ is what's making me angry. You've no idea how it feels like if you're no longer in charge of your own body. Especially after a life of taking control and being the adult figure. This is new territory to me. You once said that the only reason you haven't cracked open yet is because of me. But how do you think am I handling this, if not for you? I need you and I don't want to lose you again." He was dumbstruck - well, that was a first. Sort of satisfying to her, though.

"Wow," was all he said. Also a first. His eyes wandered from her to whatever he was working on. "And I thought you were gonna punch me." Her laugh ringed in his ears like church bells and his genuine smile made her smile just as wide. "We're good?" She nodded. "Does that mean I can kiss you again?"

"Depends," she replied. Despite the warning signs ringing in her head, she leaned in and kissed him, like she was an innocent school girl kissing her first boyfriend. Pepper wasn't stable enough for anything else yet, but she would get better. And to be quite honest with herself, she had missed him, his smell and especially the taste only his lips provided. He tasted like metal, through and through, and she'd come to take a liking to it. (People were right to call him Iron Man) He was also extremely cold and her mind was screaming, but her body was at rest next to his. Tony murmured words of protest for the no tongue policy, but worked with what little he was given. Thanks to Tony though, she almost forgot the importance of self control, when he went ahead and hugged her body to his. With Tony Stark, nothing was ever _just innocent_, she learned that a long time ago.

Her lips went to his ear after a long time of just standing there kissing. Her lipstick was now partly on his, which made her smile. "What're you working on?"

"You." Tony left her side for only a second before turning to face the same reflection she did and grabbing her by the waist. "Well, your DNA."

"I don't know much about the human DNA, but I know that it isn't supposed to look like ... _this_," she murmured. Her inner secrets were facing her with a sinister colour only Extremis could have given her. It scared the devil out of her and it seemed to have the same effect with Tony. "It regenerates DNA?"

"It has to, really," he said. She only noticed her stillness after he'd tightened his grip on her waist. He thought she was gonna break down, maybe she was. She couldn't tell, emotions were so peculiar these days. "For it to ... function."

"How are you planning on freeing me from it then?" It was funny, she _wanted_ to know but she also _didn't_ want to know just how much it had changed her without her knowledge, without her consent. "You must have some plans up your sleeve for these kinds of things, Stark."

"I've no fucking idea, Pep." Him swearing usually meant he was frustrated. Or horny. Or both. "I only know that it makes you hot ... _hotter_ than usual, which to me isn't really that bad. But in a way it affects _everything_ about the body it possesses. You even eat differently because of it! I don't want to just go in there and destroy everything I can find while also destroying ... _you_." This time, it was her turn to calm her nervous boyfriend from too much information. "I just need to find a way to detach it from your DNA ... and brain, if that's possible."

"You've got all the time of the world for that, Tony, trust me." He didn't believe her, typical. With him, everything had to be fixed immediately, especially if it was one of his projects. And at the moment, she_ was_ that project. "Come on, we're almost out of food and I need a new mug." He protested a little when she linked her hand with his and led him to the stairs. "We won't survive with cereal and a few pieces of bread."

"But I bought things yesterday!"

"New equipment for your lab are _not_ groceries, Tony. There's a super market 10 minutes away from here, we also need to take care of our coming guest in some way. He can't just bring food with him."  
Tony stopped dead in his tracks. "Guest? Oh god, please tell me SHIELD hasn't found out yet."

Tony liked his team mates, but that didn't mean he liked the men they were working for. SHIELD were dangerous people, they had first tried to capture Bruce when they found out about his abilities, what's to say they wouldn't just try to do the same with Pepper? "Tony, relax. _I_ called. Bruce is on his way, he may be able to help."

"You called Banner?" Realization kicked in and his muscles untensed. The surname startled her at first, but she couldn't really scold him for that when his face lit up like it was Christmas time. "We're gonna have a sleepover with my Science Bro?" She nodded and therefore convinced him to follow her. But before they finally reached the stairs (he acted like such a child some days), his hands pulled her away. "Wait, how did you manage to talk him into coming here? Isn't he in Kolkata or something?"

She raised her eyebrows, he probably just came up with this now. "He is. I just said it was urgent. I think he trusts me more with these things than you." _Of course_ she wouldn't tell him that she had been crying the first 5 minutes of the conversation, Bruce really didn't have that much of a choice after all. "Anyway, I can imagine the Hulk to eat more than just a few snacks, so it's really important that we go before he comes here. He said he'd be here in 2 days. Can you drive?"

Tony grabbed his keys, glasses and a cap. It looked ridiculous on him, but at least that would cover up the fact that he was Tony Stark – and that most people still thought he was dead. "Yeah. You sure you don't want a disguise of some sort as well?"

"I don't think people here know my face that well. And besides, a t-shirt and jeans is disguise enough."

"Ok," he replied and scanned her from head to toe which made her face hot, and it wasn't the Extremis virus this time. This would be first time she would buy groceries with him and she was kinda excited. "But you handle the groceries!"

"Fine."

* * *

Bruce _was _in Kolkata, right? I don't know, I should really rewatch The Avengers. No Bruce and Natasha in the next chapter, I guess. Or maybe it's gonna be a lot longer than this one and/or they'll appear on the end ...?


	4. Strawberry flavoured marshmallows

I literally just wrote an english test and come home with 45 new emails from - best gift ever. I'm happy that you guys are liking my ideas so far, and that you still somehow think it's a nice fanfic. That is ... sorta weird.

I find it really funny that I don't have that many visitors from my own country (Nur weil ich Bayer bin!), we germans usually go together in packs.

I really, really don't like this chapter. It's just ... nah, I don't know. I had to write this on short notice, I will be going to Italy for the next week, starting this saturday. And I wanted to update this before leaving, but the ending's kinda flat. I literally have to write a three page essay in French and have 2 tests to study for. Angst is always way easier for me than fluff, fluff needs time and exercis, both of which I lack of at the moment. Apologies. Maybe I'll rewrite after being back, but at least I know the next chapter won't be as hard because Bruce will be in it (*squee*) and he's such a pleasure to write.

* * *

The ride to the supermarket had to be the most awkward ride Pepper ever had to experience. Even weirder than that one time her mom caught her making out with a boy (She felt sorry for him, she didn't even remember his name) in the park and demanded she'd go home (while also telling her about the thing with the flower and the bee). _That_ had been uncomfortable on so many levels, this was just unnecessary awkwardness. He didn't know what to say and neither did she, they weren't really the type of relationship to buy groceries together.

But Pepper couldn't concentrate on that right now, her head was spinning into different directions and the bumpy road made it worse. A sinister face kept on creeping its way into her thoughts, blurring her vision and making her anxious like she was just not sitting in a car with Iron Man driving her, a literal mutated version of a human being, to the supermarket to go grocery shopping. For the Hulk. Not to mention the disastrous ABBA song that was playing on the radio.

_"I never knew you had it in you, Potts."_

Her body tensed when memories came flooding back to her, tearing holes in her so carefully designed walls. Tony was next to her though (She was trying to imitate his own steady breath), which made her feel a little bit better. Pepper Potts could not stand small places and silence anymore, but being with him helped.

The confessions she had spilled earlier had been mind freeing, but moments like that only lasted for so long until they were overshadowed by the ticking of the bomb in her brain. And the _laughter_.

_"Careful now, phase 2 is always the hardest. Hang in there, there is only so much pain until there's release."_

He was wrong. The pain was ever present, forcing her to crawl on her hands and knees afterwards. Being in Tony's arms afterwards also helped, but her bones still ached like they were broken in between. It still felt like that at times, like somebody had torn her insides out and nonchalantly put them back together.

_"You know, I always had something like this planned out for you. Red really suits you."_

Her mind wandered back to her days at AIM, Killian's aggressive mood swings and she wondered ... "Tony?" He'd already turned the engine down, they were just sitting there, waiting for the other to break the silence. Tony let out a relieved sigh when words filled the air again.

"Yeah?"

Her hand grabbed his, not too tight (she'd already broken Rhodey's hand once). "When do you think he implanted the virus in himself?" Neither needed to even pronounce the name, they were both thinking it. Damn him, he was taking a toll on their relationship, even from his grave.

"I don't know, the idiot probably got himself a shot the minute it was stabilized." He massaged his own forehead, they both weren't the youngest, soon they'd become the 'old married couple' type, harassing teenagers - she had to smile at the thought. His question was a mere murmur in the back of her head. "Why're you askin'?"

"He never seemed to be satisfied with himself, you know ..." she started. Tony's eyes searched for something in hers, signs that told him he should react, if she would break down again. She wouldn't. They were in the middle of a dirty parking lot, next to an Audi with a barking dog inside, she wouldn't let her guard down in this setting. "He could hardly walk straight, let alone run, and I had to drive _hours_ just to buy him special medicine for his asthma, or his daily migraines. His condition made him unhappy, I could tell-"

"He kidnapped and tried to kill you, Pepper!"

"I'm not trying to justify his actions, just _listen_. What I meant was that he wasn't the type of villain you'd imagine, but suddenly, with the blink of an eye ... he seemed changed. From the outside, he was just the same, but he got ... violent. He used to punch walls whenever I found him in his office, every little error seemed to bug him. That was also around the time I got suspicious that maybe AIM's contracts weren't all that legal as I thought they were ... Do you think he changed so drastically because of ... because he ..." She was at a loss of words, staring holes into the palm of her hand, the other one gripping Tony's loosely.

"You're scared you'll turn out like him." The statement was absolute and it made Pepper shrink together. "Pepper, you won't. You've Rhodey, and Happy, and me, and Bruce Banner who got your back." As if to convince her more, he started stroking her back. They did that a lot these days. Ever since she got kidnapped, it was as if he occasionally had to remind himself that she was still _here_, that she was really breathing and that she wasn't burnt to ash. He barely left the house and he always asked her if she wanted to go to the hospital and visit Happy with him, or if she wanted to go out with Rhodey with him (Rhodey always went on and on about getting her a therapist - he'd be thrilled to know that Dr. Banner was visiting). She'd always assure him that she'd be okay, that she'd call Stark Industries and handle things, but truth be told, she mostly just watched reality TV when he was gone. Or read a book. Or anything really, everything that didn't include her having to be involved into business again. She avoided Stark Industries like the plague, it was always reminding her and, not to mention, the knowing stares she would receive. Pepper couldn't stand it, her official excuse was that she was on holiday for the next year (for PR reasons, obviously) - having a mental breakdown didn't really sit well with the press.

'Oh god, he's staring again.' She gave him a warm smile and he looked somewhat reassured. "I'm fine," that wasn't entirely a lie, "it's just that there are so many thoughts swimming in my head at all times and it gets difficult to sort them out."

"I'm happy you're telling me." He really had changed these past years. He seemed to read her like an open book, and vice versa. "I'm just not happy you're having those thoughts at all. _And_ I'm also not happy you're forgetting the most important thing." Pepper furrowed her eyebrows. "_I _need you, too. Come on, I'd be lost without you." His eyes wandered to the big red doors, and the people and _carts_, before them like they were sworn enemies. "Tony needs his Pepper if he's gonna survive _this_." Pepper wondered for a moment if getting a cart would be wise. Tony would probably demolish it. Or worse, demolish a _person_ with it.

* * *

Tony stood in front of boxes of cereal and looked more like a little lost puppy than a super hero, while Pepper grabbed things out of random. She wasn't good at this either, but at least she was moving. Tony, on the other hand, was now moving around her and whispering things not even she could understand. "I've never been shopping, you know, at least," his fingers pointed towards their surroundings, "not like this."  
"Oh, really? I didn't notice that, at all." It was astonishing how changeable they could be - Pepper had just spilled her heart out in front of him, and now they were sassmouthing each other. That had always been the most unique thing about them, even when they hadn't been a couple. But Tonny really needed to shut up sometimes.

"Hey, marshmallows!"

"... No."

"But they're strawberry flavoured!"

"NO."

"How long have we been here for?"

"... 15 minutes."

"That's way too long, can't I just wait in the car?"

"... No."

"Hey, Pep, you want some Chilli?"

"Don't even start."

After just a few minutes, Pepper could hear a bomb ticking in her head, and it wasn't Extremis.

He reminded her a lot of her when she was younger, always on about something, holding her mother's hand like she would be lost the minute she let go. Her mother had always told her to act like an adult, but sadly, this was adult Tony, or as adult as he could get in a situation like this. Well, at least he hadn't broke anything. Yet.

"God, just take something!"

"I am taking something! You're the one who criticizes all my ideas!"

"I'm sick and tired of Pizza, To... Tobias." He raised his eyebrows, like he was challenging her, and took some indian tea. When he stepped next to her, he winked at her and she felt like slapping him.

"Look, it's indian, Ginny." She growled at the mention of her old nickname. She hadn't been called that in years, her friends used to mock her because of it. Tony was the one to rename her Pepper, after a very embarrassing encounter with Tony's assistant (that totally didn't involve Pepperspray in any way). "I'm pretty sure our friend will like it. What do you say?"

"Vegetarian would also suit him well, don't you think?" Tony hated vegetarian and Pepper was almost 90 % sure the Hulk wasn't too fond of it either. Maybe she would just buy it to annoy Tony. Yep, she'd definitely buy it.

Especially after noticing that Tony was off, bickering with a 10 year old boy (well, that was pretty normal).

"Do you have ADD or something?"

"No."

"Cause you behave really weird for an adult and you kinda act like my sis."

"Well, is your sister Ir-" Pepper dragged him away.

It took them approximately an hour to agree upon all the things they needed. Tony, apparently, thought it would be best to buy easy food, while Pepper wanted something nice for their guest. They refrained from mentioning their names though, afraid that there might be a camera nearby. The cashier seemed to have some suspicion that they were just really, really passionate fans.

Pepper Potts would never _ever_ go grocery shopping with Tony Stark ever again. He didn't even stop talking for the ride home, she'd given up trying to catch up and now just caught a few glimpses of his sentences.

"Hey, Pep, I could cook-"

"If Bruce comes-"

"Those were really great marshmallows-"

"I should send a 'Screw you, I'm Iron Man' card to that kid-"

When Tony stopped talking, Pepper was already asleep, mouth agape and snoring a little.


	5. Memories

Sooo, I managed to write this while still on holiday (a big house on the top of a hill surrounded by nature _is_ a good place to write). Kudos to y'all for waiting so patiently and liking the previous chapter.

**Barefoot Beach Bum** (what's the story behind that name, btw?), wooow, yes, that was right. :-D Do you mean the "Ich liebte sie" in regards to Pepper and Tony, or the chapter, because then it has to be "es" instead of "sie". **FuyuSarah**, haha, I didn't even think about that. I'm not good at smut (miserable at best), so I can't really write _that_ aspect in detail, but I do think that Tony misses Pepper, A LOT, but Pepper seems too distracted with everything and thus pretty oblivious to poor Tony's needs. But hey, at least he gets some in this chapter, good for you, Tony.

Flashback time - and of the happy variety (at least a little bit, I'm evil)! And poor Bruce, I feel u, bro. As always, R&R n all that stuff.

(Also, for the historical stuff, see Frederick the Great, soldier king of Prussia and weird dude who introduced potatoes to germans and prussians. He also just used to plant potatoes _everywhere_ and advice the guards to allow the prussian population to steal them, and I thought that was hilarious back in school)

* * *

_It's Pepper Potts' first year in her new job at Stark Industries and she has already assaulted a bodyguard (earning herself a new nickname), received many new skills (including 'how to make Tony Stark buy things' which is by saying they're expensive) and the occasional flirty glances of her boss. It's a great position with many opportunities, way better than her last job, but at days like this, everything is a drag – like the fact that To- Mr. Stark ("No, I am _not_ going to call you Tony, Mr. Stark.") still hasn't signed the papers she gave him weeks ago. And the fact that she has to check up on him just for him to do his responsibility – billionaires and their big ego._

_The minute Pepper steps into the mansion, she knows there's something up. He must've had someone (a female someone) over, judging by the fact that there are _clothes_ lying everywhere (and no, that is _not_ jealousy what she's feeling, not even a little bit). That's not what puts her at edge, though. It's the _silence_._

"_Mr. Stark, are you here?" Someone responds by giggling and shyly stepping out of the huge bedroom. Twins. Of course._

_She won't let the two naked women in front of her startle her though, after all, she's a professional. She wouldn't be working for him if she couldn't handle this. "Pepper Potts, I'm Tony Stark's personal assistant. Do you know where he is?" Giggles, again. Pepper is starting to get annoyed._

"_Still in bed," one of them responds and pushes her sister, the giggler, forward. "We're just gonna … get dressed and then go …"_

"_Yes, that'd be appreciated," Pepper murmurs and waits for the twins to leave before going into unknown territory – Tony Stark's bedroom._

_It's dark, thank god. She doesn't want to look at the aftermath of the previous night, especially if the rest of the house is any indication. "Mr. Stark? Are you awake?" she begins, suddenly unsure of herself._

_There is a faint movement on the edge of the bed. "Mhhhh?"_

"_I have some papers you have to sign, in regards to the property you own in Malibu," she continues and wants to open the curtains when he suddenly jerks forward and grabs her delicate hands with his cold ones. "They were due last week …" His face is metres from hers and she's sweating a little bit (just the temperature of the room)._

"_Don't," he barely brings out. "Don't turn on the lights, I'm …"_

"_You're having a hangover, I've noticed." Her voice is hard and absolute, it makes him shrink together like she just beat him. This isn't his typical hangover self; something's different, she can tell. She just doesn't know what. "What's wrong? Aren't you feeling alright?"_

"_I'm a mess, Potts." He tries to position himself back on the bed, but falls on the floor instead. Pepper can't tell if he's crying or laughing hysterically. She figures both._

"_Why are you a mess, Tony?" The professional in her is rebelling at the first name, but it seems to reassure Tony. So much that a smile tugs at the side of his face._

"_It's just … this day … don't like work, let's not talk 'bout it, k?"_

_And suddenly, she remembers. It's _the_ day. The one day of the year every single one of her colleagues threatens, because that's when Tony's at his worst. It's the anniversary of the day Howard and Maria Stark were killed in a car accident. There is no preparation for newbies, no brochure called 'the days Tony Stark does weird angsty shit'. Still, she should've known._

"_Oh," is all she says. She gets him, has lost both of her parents as well. But her parents loved and cared for her, and with Howard she's not so sure._

"_Do you have parents?" He sounds so desperate that she feels like she owes him a big hug. She doesn't, clears her throat instead._

"_Used to, yes."_

"_I'm sorry."_

_It's her time to smile now. "Don't be, it's not your fault." She knows what to do with him, the same thing she does on her parent's death anniversaries – she just needs him to come with her._

"Whoa_, what're you doin'?" His body reeks of alcohol and sex, and he rejects her stretched out hand. Pepper just grabs hold of his arms instead and lifts him off the ground (bless her morning jog)._

"_Come on, Stark, you need a shower and new clothes," she says to him and smiles. This is familiar, she can handle this. "And afterwards, I've got just the thing to make you feel better." His eyebrows shoot up. "Not that. It's a surprise."_

"_I dunno ..." His feet somehow manage the walk to the bathroom door with her help (god knows how, he should be in a coma by now)._

"_Oh, come on, I'll feel miserable if I let you rot in here!"_

_Her tactic works. "Hmmm, fine. If that'll make you feel better, I'll be a generous boss."_

"_Thank you, Mr. Stark." She opens the door for him. "Now hurry, you're going to have to do the showering by yourself."_

* * *

"_Are you shitting me?" Tony's face is a mix of annoyance and amusement, eyeing the thing in front of him with suspiciousness. "I think I'm a bit too old for … ice cream." At least he doesn't look like death himself anymore, that's an improvement. And she's willing to play along if that'll keep him distracted.  
_

"_It's not ice cream, it's ice _cupcakes_." She replies with a huge smile on her face. "Whenever I felt sad over something, my dad would take me here. The restaurant's famous for their ice cupcakes, they're delicious." With the rolling of her eyes she adds: "And not poisonous."_

"_And eating weird stuff is supposed to help me how?" Still not convinced; she knew that. "I could've done that at home, and I wouldn't have to wear pants."_

"_Locking yourself in the mansion is not the best way to cope with these sorts of things." Taking a bite out of her own, she feels like Frederick the Great, eating potatoes enthusiastically in front of peasants to show them just how _delicious_ they were. The thought of Tony Stark being her peasant makes her giggle a little. "And besides, you refused to go to your parent's grave, so this is the second option. Now, eat your food."_

_Miraculously, he starts eating and eats more and more and_ fast_. So fast that soon__ both of his cupcakes have disappeared (every last bit) and he's holding his stomach like a grandpa. "That was _great_, I should buy this restaurant."_

_The jokes gives him a light laugh of hers and he grins at his own success. During any other day, Pepper would feel uncomfortable, but right now, it's just what both of them need. The property's not that important.  
_

"_Thanks, Pepper." He starts when her laughter subsides. "For being my friend," _even though you're not supposed to and we both know I make it hard, _"and for taking me here. If you want to make it a tradition, I can arrange one of my bodyguards to catch us some of those every year."_

"_You're very welcome, Tony."_

_Because despite everything, despite his tremendous ego and her control kink, they still managed to become friends. And in the end, that's all that matters._

* * *

Pepper awoke abruptly, blinking her vision free of the blurriness that was filling her head. Her head moved around. No fire, she wasn't dead yet either. 'Where am I?' Then she remembered – grocery shopping, with Tony, and falling asleep in the car. 'He must've taken me to the bed.' She looked down on herself. 'And dressed me into pyjamas …'

Her mind was still dizzy when she planted her feet on the ground and went out of hers and Tony's bedroom. From afar, she could smell something, someone _cooking_ in the kitchen and the thought of Tony trying to make omelettes and possibly burning the whole building down in the process made her feet go faster and the blood drain out of her face. She exclaimed a quiet prayer while practically running to the kitchen. And she was right – he _was _in the kitchen. But he wasn't the one doing the cooking.

"Bruce, you're here early!" Her face lit up, she felt like hugging him senseless for coming when she asked. Bruce and her weren't that friendly with each other, but they both belonged to the club Bruce so funnily on his first day at Stark Tower had called 'People who have to deal with Tony Stark's shit' (the list of members grew daily) – she found it was rather fitting.

From the smell and sound of it, he was making her bacon and eggs, which made her stomach signal its discomfort over being completely empty. "Actually, honey, he isn't," Tony came up from behind him, dressed in his Black Sabbath T-Shirt and a black jeans. "You slept through a whole day. I didn't want to wake you."

"I … did?" He nodded and his expression filled with something she couldn't quite memorize. Until it all came back to her – no nightmares and no panic attacks. The memories had been a welcome (and much needed) change and they'd worked. Pepper had just spend 24 hours with sleeping and she didn't remember the day she had felt so awake and _good_, she didn't want it to stop. Her face lit up like a Christmas tree and his followed her shortly.

"And without my help." Proud, he was _proud_ of her. She rarely saw that side of him and he did look better today as well. Maybe they would get through this sooner than they had originally thought. "What did you dream about? 'Cause I distinctively remember you drooling."

"Ice cupcakes." He grinned at her, seemingly remembering the same memories she did, and took her in his arms. They just stood there for a few minutes before remembering that they had a visitor, who was now standing awkwardly in front of them. And who also had a new haircut, Pepper only just noticed.

"Bruce, you've cut your hair," she exclaimed to break the tension.

Bruce seemed to welcome it with open arms. "Yeah, I've had this accident with fire in Kolkata, so it was necessary."

"I like it." He smiled at her, but his eyes also showed concern. He hadn't forgotten their little exchange and what kind of doctor would he be if he didn't show concern.

"No, you don't," Tony said. "You're just trying to make him feel better. It sucks ass."

"I'm not here for hair tips, Stark." His expression must've made every member of the PwhtdwTSs club (too long, they needed to talk about that) proud.

"Well, that's a shame."

"I'll leave you two alone and unpack all my things." He wandered (or ran) towards the stairs when Tony decided to show his girlfriend just how _proud_ he was of her. But before completely disappearing, he shouted: "Pepper, once you're ready, I hope I can have a word with you."

Pepper nodded but was soon distracted by Tony Stark and his lips and _tongue_. Also, somehow her body urged his hands to move forward already and stop resting on her waist, exploring her body like he used to – part of her wondered if that was Extremis, the other part _oh god, Tony …_

His wide grin gave her enough room to slowly break free, but not before biting his lower lip a little bit, to show him that he'd just been a dick to his friend. "That was rude," she whispered while he was occupied with the soft spot underneath her ear. His response was a muffled 'Hmm'. The room temperature seemed to increase immensely. Pepper really didn't give a damn. "If you keep on going like this, I might melt us both."

"I'll take my chances."


	6. Experiments

K, so, I'm back from holiday, all sunburnt, but ok. We have this saying in Germany called "a native american doesn't know pain". I guess that applies here, as well.

Seems like pretty much every chapter has the first angsty part and then Tony sets in for comic relief (or for make outs). Sorry, Tony bb. I'll be focusing on you a little bit in the upcoming chapters. Also, this chapter was written for my own pleasure ;-) It isn't as long as the last one, so sorry about that. It's pretty dark right now and I have such a hectic day ahead of me. Plus, I'm studying French right now (lame excuses, je sais)!

To be quite honest with y'all, I'm kinda having writer's block. And me having to study _really_ hard isn't helping either. Neither is rewatching all the Iron Man movies, including The Avengers. I have this little action storyline in the back of my head, but I don't know if I want the action to overshadow Pepper's struggle. And I kinda feel like writing this for myself, so please tell me: 1. Do you want me to continue? 2. What do you want to see in upcoming chapters? 3. Action - yes or no? I'm all ears for suggestions of any kind, and so is my inbox (or my askbox on tumblr, for instance).

Has anybody heard of Noveljoy? Because I've just gotten a message from them, asking me to publish my story on their platform. They said it was "very well written", so naturally, I thought it was spam. But no, it's not, it seems pretty real. But I'm still a little bit hesitant as to whether I even _want_ this to be on other sites besides

* * *

After taking a shower (_twice_ - thanks to Tony), drying and fixing her hair, not even bothering to put on make up, she stepped into Bruce's bedroom not knowing what would await her. Her mind struggled with the unknown and even now, Extremis was ever present, trying to drag her away from the huge green monster. Pepper had her emotions in check, though. She'd gotten a handle on this and it would be a lie to say the pleasant dream hadn't played its role in her stability. Plus, Tony really knew how to get her to _relax_.

"Bruce, are you there?" she asked, not out of necessity (she could already smell his sweat, that sense of danger, and the presence of another human being already alarmed Extremis) but because she didn't know what else to do. So she decided to do the polite thing, and pretend to be totally oblivious to her super instincts - like the fact that she'd already figured out his breakfast the minute she stepped inside the room.

His response came quickly and was surprisingly spot on. "Are your super senses really as low as you pretend they are or do you just act as if they're not there?" His head popped up from tons of paper, his sleeves rolled up, and he looked like he had been ripped out of his pacing mind. "'Cause I'm guessing the latter." Despite her interrupting him, he smiled at her and waved her to him.

"You're right," she sighed and let her body fall next to his on the floor. "It's creepy, like I know that you had this Indian tea you have in your backpack and a burger for breakfast. By the way," her hand gladly received one of the papers he was studying, "I don't think fastfood suits you well."

"Pepper, I think you've become my red twin," he said and laughed when she wriggled her nose to support her previous claim. She liked Bruce, he had been spending some time with her and Tony in the Stark Tower after the attack. She remembered burnt equipment and failed experiments (that had been most likely Tony's idea), but she also remembered the way Bruce had to drag himself out of bed every morning, or the circles around his eyes and the way his mind always seemed to be elsewhere. In a way, they were just alike. It made her feel more normal and not so distant from her surroundings - and she also doubted she could hurt him which was a welcome change.

His head nodded to the paper while he started speaking. "I studied some things Tony gave me on your condition, even though nobody has cared to inform me how you managed to deform your body so drastically. I hope it wasn't one of Tony's experiments gone wrong ...?" He was waiting for her to continue, but she felt a knot in her throat just thinking about revisiting it. She started sweating without even noticing, just like Tony had done before when he had to talk about New York.

"I, umm ..." She had to force out every word, and was glad that it didn't seem like she had to throw up right in front of him. Pepper's head seemed to wander off at any given moment. "Let's just say Tony's recent enemy had a strange fetish for red ..."

Bruce, bless him, seemed to understand and looked at her with an expression that she guessed was sympathy. "Good news is," he said, "it's not as bad as it could have been. You're not dead. And you haven't turned into a red rage monster, either."

"But ...?"

"It's still pretty bad." Pepper noticed the same picture of her DNA on one of the papers, the other ones were still strangely foreign to her - she was foreign now. "It seems like it's constantly evolving." She raised an eyebrow. "It's controlling parts of you that we don't even know about just yet. It's correcting things like allergies, increases your strength, but that's just on the surface. In a way, it upgrates you."

"Will it ... will it take over my body?" The words barely came out of her throat and scared her even more thinking about the pure anger she had felt when attacking Killian. Or the mug incident. Even now, she could still feel its presence in the back of her head, loaded and ready. She dreaded the day her emotions wouldn't be stable enough and she'd do things she could regret for the rest of her life.

"I don't think so."

"Tony thinks he should stabilize it first ..." She stood up and suddenly no longer felt like discussing her health. Not even Bruce. It made her so terribly angry to know that there was nothing she could do to stop it, even though Bruce had it way worse and he wasn't exactly one to whine about his condition. Pepper Potts had thousands of assistants and a million dollar company at her disposal, but she was completely powerless against herself. "But I just want it out of me as soon as possible." She started heading towards the door.

"I understand that, I really do. But Pepper," she turned back to him. He looked uncomfortably sad. Only now did Pepper recognize the emotion she had seen earlier on his face: envy. _He envied her._ "You have no idea how lucky you are. For all we know, you should be dead by now, exploded into a million pieces. Tony once said that, maybe, the other guy saved me-"

"_No_," she interrupted. "Extremis is not a _gift_. It didn't save me and it certainly won't be in the near future."_ It's ruining me, don't you see?_ With that, she left a worrying and hurt Bruce alone to himself and the more she thought about it, the more guilty she felt.

* * *

Pepper walked disorientated through the house. She still hadn't touched the food Bruce had done for her, her stomach didn't seem to stand food anymore. She felt terrible for snapping at Bruce like that, after all he had just tried to make her feel better. She wanted to apologize, but at the mere thought of going back into that room, she panicked (She had to have a word with him tomorrow though). Pepper closed her eyes and thought of the blank spot Aldrich had shown her. Was hers full now, glowing red, radiant as ever?

_I hate you._

Hours seemed to pass this way, with her just standing in the middle of a house that was supposed to be her home, screaming internally at a thing that couldn't respond (or she _hoped_ couldn't respond). Nightmares were one thing, but this was entirely another. Suddenly, she started to miss the nightmares.

"Are you meditating or what?" Her head jerked around and caught a Tony just coming out of the workshop and looking for a drink. "How did things go with Doc?"  
Without thinking it through, she grabbed Tony's (now seemingly smaller) body and hugged him tight to her own. She hid her face in his neck when she felt tears welling in her eyes. Confused by her sudden burst of emotions, he softly hugged her back. "Tony." They just stood there for a few moments, with Pepper whispering his name like a prayer, like solace. But after a two minutes or so, she realized that he was stirring under her breath, trying to let her release him from her grip. She let him go abruptly. "Sorry."

Tony was still catching his breath. "What happened? Was Bruce mean to you?" His eyes scanned her body and was relieved to find no wounds or marks. "'Cause if you don't feel like having company, I can send him away. Just say the word."

"I lashed out at Bruce," she confessed. To her surprise, he grinned.

"Happens if you're a super hero. Heroine. You'll get used to it." He took a sip out of his drink - he consumed way too much alcohol lately, she should do something about that.

"I'm not a super hero!" she replied, trying not to smile but failing miserably. Somehow, a picture of her as Super Woman showed up in her head and she had to stifle a laugh.

With a lowered head, he murmured: "You've always been a super hero to me, Potts." Tony seemed to regret mentioning it in the first place, so she kissed his cheek, and then his lips, to signal him that she wasn't angry. Her stomach started to get warmer and warmer. Her whole being was concentrated on kissing him, telling him everything she couldn't say out loud with a simple kiss. He'd understand, he always did.

Tongues started to get involved when Pepper could no longer tell the difference between his body and hers. His hands somehow had crawled underneath her shirt and hers were gripping him tightly to her. Her butt landed on a table she hadn't known was there. Not even Extremis seemed to complain, everything was perfectly still. And in biting his lower lip and letting her hands wander deeper, she thanked him for it.

"Pep ... Pepper, whoa, slow down a little bit!" He tore their body apart, leaving Pepper cold and incredibly horny. Her mind felt like screaming words into his face she normally wouldn't even _think. _"You're glowing."

"I don't care." She attempted to kiss him again when he backed away a few steps. His face told her she wasn't the only one who was frustrated, at least that was a small victory.

"_I_ do." He let her calm down for a second, but she still felt like jumping him and _damn_, if he didn't know that. "I don't want you to hurt yourself."

"I won't." She took his hands in hers and managed to overshadow the lust in her features with the puppy eyes, the ones that were _always_ working with him. She needed this, and so did he. Her attempt at being seductive was still laughable, though, when she closed the space between them and whispered: "I'm all in for an experiment if you are."

"I guess ..." Tony was nervous as hell, unsure of what to do next, despite his body literally screaming him to choose the first option. After a few painful minutes, he obeyed and grabbed her by the waist. They weren't even an inch apart now, her nose touching his own and making them both smile. "We won't know if we try. And we can always buy another pair of sheets."

"I _guess_."

* * *

I didn't want to end this in sex (or hints of it rather, but I'm sure you're all very creative people, you can figure out what happens after), but I just rewatched The Avengers and I think I can speak for everyone if I say I was _really_ curious as to what Pepper was whispering into his ear.

Jesus, this is such a weird chapter, from angst to make out sessions - I guess that's kinda what the life of Pepper Potts and Tony Stark looks like, though.

Urghh, I also need to write Natasha into this in some fashion. Working on it, I promise!

And guys, I need opinions on this, I really do.


	7. Four's a crowd

It's **alive**! Kinda

Oh god, guys, I'm so sorry for updating so late, but yesterday was my last final exam (maths, lord save my grade pls) and my mind was just so full of school stuff, I could hardly do anything except learn and sleep. Thanks a lot for not giving up on this story, despite my absence.

Since the last entry here I've written some of the things I want this story to go on a sheet in my room, so every time I wake up, it reminds me to finish this. It's gonna be a lot longer than I originally thought, but that's not necessarily a bad thing, at least not to me. I want Pepper kicking ass, answer some loose ends from the Iron Man 3 movie (like that fact that he blew up all his suits. Like, I get it, symbolic meaning and all, but _dude_, how are you gonna protect the one thing you can't live without?). If this is a new writing a style or anything, apologies, I just write everything that comes to mind and I've caught myself writing some of this in French (dammit, France!).

I hope I won't dissapoint. If I do, y'all get cookies! And contact me if you wanna see anything specific here.

* * *

Pepper Potts had never been the cuddly one in a relationship. Sure, the occasional afterglow of sex (_spectacular_ sex) wasn't foreign to her, but that lasted only a few minutes. With Tony, though, everything was different - especially after New York. Now it was her that clung onto him, and him usually being the one to go about his daily business. No matter how much he had changed, he was still just Tony.

Right now, though, Pepper and Tony were holding onto each other as if for dear life, always forgetting to inhale, exhale, inhale. Pepper was glowing and _hot_, both in the literal and metaphorical term of the word. Neither seemed to mind.

"I think," Tony's voice came through the blurriness of her mind, "maybe we should postpone the whole 'curing you' thing." His fingers drew circles on her exposed stomach, but his eyes were fixated on her heart. Her beating heart, shining through her skeleton with a weird red glow. Almost like an arc reactor. "Just for a little while."

A smile was creeping her way into Pepper's face. "Why, so we can spend every day in bed?" She wasn't sure if he was serious or not, but knowing him he probably was.

"Yep."

"I think I'm outshining you." Somewhere between all the shining, a blue light was almost consumed by hers. "It's a nice change." Despite her dizziness, Pepper noticed the change of emotion on his face, something she knew all too well. This happened almost every time she mentioned the thing in his chest. "You want it out," she said matter-of-factly. He didn't even respond, but his silence was answer enough for Pepper. The arc reactor may have been needed a few years ago, but now it was just a painful reminder of his awful past, and that Pepper could still lose him at any given moment. She didn't exactly know all the details, but what she did know terrified her every time she thought about it. That Tony's body consisted of about 57 % (_"56, 7 %, actually, so it's not so bad"_) of metal. That it was not only to keep the shrapnel out of his heart, but also sort of working as a pace maker. That one time he had passed out after she went a little too rough with him in bed. He'd also confessed to her that he could no longer feel his chest due to all the damage done to the nerves in a clumsy operation (in a _cave_). How every movement seemed like it was hurting him and how he'd always wave it off when she asked. JARVIS was working his way into every secret data, even SHIELD, but he still came up with nothing. Tony wanted it out, but he just _couldn't_.

"Dr. Wu called," he murmured and buried his face in her neck, she could feel his breath against her neck. The name startled her at first, until she remember the conversation she'd had with him a few months ago. Something about a Chinese doctor saying he could help get the arc reactor out, and that it was only a matter of time until he would get the right equipment. Tony was waiting patiently until the realization kicked in. "He says that he technically knows _how_ to detach it from my body. But there's been so much damage done to my body that I'd die in a second. Also," he tapped on the device in his chest and faked a half smile to her neck, "the huge hole in my chest would also be a bummer."

"Can't you implant something instead?" She had no idea how operations like that worked, she just wanted to help. And this time, he really did laugh, because he knew exactly what she was doing (and loved her all the more for it).

"Like what? Even if we _could_ implant something, there's no way knowing it would connect with the damaged nerve endings." He looked her in the eyes, looking extremely tired. "I don't want to take any chances."

Pepper felt like saying something but was hushed into silence when the phone started ringing. Tony and Pepper looked at each other like they'd just realized that they were not the only people on the planet. The phone was still ringing. "Shouldn't you answer that?" Pepper teased, willing enough for a new conversation topic.

"I should," his lips were on hers as if, by kissing her enough, he could forget the incoming call and make every sorrow in their lives go away. "But I won't."

Pepper joined, a little unsure about pretty much everything except this. This would always be perfect, it would always be them. She bit on his lower lip a little harder than usual, though. "What if," she could hardly form words in her mind, let alone speak, "it's Dr. Xu?"

Her tactic worked and he stopped dead in his tracks. "Wu." Tony sighed and wrestled his way to the other side of the bed, grabbing the phone without even looking. "What?" She could scold him for his rude manners, but she chose to keep quiet about it after noticing his panicked expression. The person on the other end was talking nonstop and Tony grew more angry by the second. Pepper probably could've made out the conversation as well as the caller just by hearing alone. If her mind wasn't so very full of very, _very_ inappropriate thoughts. Like the fact that he still wasn't dressed, and that pissed Tony was really turning her on, making her glow flicker every now and then. Tony looked at her with a puzzled look and she just shrugged.

"Like hell," was all that came out of his mouth during the whole conversation and he ended the call without even caring if he received a reply. Pepper motioned for him to come back to her, but he was still angry about whatever the caller had said.

A dreadful thought creeped its way into her mind. "Paparazzi?" Pepper Potts wasn't an agressive person, but if a thousand pairs of camera lenses clouded her mind in _this_ state of hers, she could do no promises.

"SHIELD." Now she kinda missed Paparazzi. Tony did his best to look apologetic at her panicked expression. "They want to debrief you. Told them to debrief my ass, first."

"Yeah, I heard."

* * *

So, after repeatedly apologizing to Bruce (or trying to, really) and always getting the same response _'Pepper, do you honestly think I don't get being on edge because of your condition?'_ the three of them sat on the couch and wanted to make a decision about all this. Emphasis on wanted, because neither Tony nor Pepper could bring up the dreaded topic of what it could mean to Pepper if SHIELD was interested in her. Bruce seemed like an expert, but he wasn't really one for conversations.  
Fortunately, Tony found his voice again after a few minutes of awkward staring. "We could fix her before they notice ...?" An idea, and an awful one at that.

"Too risky if we just try the first thing we find," Bruce replied and stroked his non-existent beard. It was funny, really, the two of them together, acting exactly alike. Pepper knew in that moment that it was a good thing Bruce joined after all. "And they can take Pepper any time they feel like it, they're freakin' _SHIELD_. Yet they haven't."

Pepper kinda felt like an accessory to this whole conversation, so she stood up to make herself a really, really strong coffee. Behind her she could hear them still rattling on about something, not even noticing her absence. The coffee tasted disgusting (probably because she also put some drops of alcohol into it) but she drowned it down her throat either way.

Pepper started heading for the living room again and first saw that Bruce's head was in his palms. She could make out a faint of green when his eyes met Tony's again. "We can't just fight the government, Tony, no matter how big of an ego you've got going on." Pepper sat down next to Tony, again unnoticed. She started to get annoyed. "And you blew up all your suits, remember?"

"Well, are we supposed to just hand them Pepper? What are they gonna do with her? With Extremis? I've got a few guesses, and I'm thinking so do you."

"It's irrelevant what we think, or want." Bruce seemed like he was talking to a child rather than an adult. "If they want Pepper, they'll get her. Even if they have to kick our asses in between the process."

"Not if Hulk's on our side!"

"Tony-"

"If you two are going to address me _one more time_ like I'm an object you idiots can toss around, I will smash both of your heads against the wall!" It would've been a lie to say her outburst was just Extremis. But as soon as she said it, her anger disappeared the same way it had emerged. Still, it felt good to be able to actually _hold_ that promise, with both of them full well knowing what she was capable of.

Tony was the first to apologize, hesitantly grabbing her hand. "Sorry, honey. I didn't mean to exclude you." He gave Bruce a death glare, who seemed a little scared himself. _'I just scared the living hell out of the Hulk,'_ she thought, to her surprise.

"Yeah, apologies. Of course, the decision is yours." Finally, somebody said something logical.

"Exactly," she replied and smiled at him, even though her frozen eyes did not quite live up to it. "Which is exactly what you two seem to have forgotten. It's _my_ body, _my_ decision. I appreciate your concern, I do, but I find it a little redundant."

"What do you mean?"

Even though Tony was the one she was looking at, she was addressing both of them. "I don't think they will be able to make new super soldiers for the same reason we can't get it out of my body. I guess it just sticks with me. SHIELD is monitoring possible threats, of which I am one. There's no need denying it." Her voice lost some of her bossiness when she added: "I'm a product of mass destruction."

Tony, especially, looked crushed by the last sentence and meant to say something when the door bell rang. The same way the phone had, nonstop. Pepper was the first to stand up and head for the door, leaving her coffee on the table, while Tony quickly followed and halfway through threw his arms around her waist and looked at Bruce one more time before saying: "Better green up, Big Guy." Bruce didn't seem too amused by that.

An awful lot of red curls greeted her when she opened the door and no matter how hard she tried, Pepper couldn't control her lips from curling upwards a bit. Being the only female in this arrangement of theirs kinda wore her down.

"Ms Potts," Natasha (formerly Natalie, even though both of them worked that out a while back) said, shaking the other women's hand and completely ignoring the glare Tony was giving her. "I'm here on behalf of SHIELD." Pepper's smile disappeared and she motioned for Natasha to come in.

"Hello, Natasha." Pepper hoped going for the first name wouldn't be an inconvenience, but it didn't seem like it. "Bruce already joined us in our humble home, and you're free to join as well."

Tony looked at her, shocked at her being so open about it. Pepper just winked at him. "Didn't you say you were all in for experiments?"

"I meant _other_ ones," he whispered next to her, his hand still reassuringly on her back. "I'm not so sure I like this one." He eyed Natasha, who was shaking the hand of a very nervous Bruce Banner.

"Oh, come on," She kissed his left cheek. "What's the saying? Four's a crowd?"

He shook his head. "I don't think it goes like that, Pep. But," his eyes were again searching for something alarming in hers and yet again finding nothing but a wide grin, "you're right. Your decision. Just promise me you won't neglect those _other_ experiments we agreed on."

Before they rejoined the other two in the living room Pepper stole a quick kiss and whispered: "Never."

* * *

Yey, Natasha, yey! Yey, female friendships, yey!

Natasha giving Pepper fight lessons would be the hottest/most awesome thing, amirite?


	8. The Calm before the Storm

Guys, I am _so _so sorry for delaying this as long as I have. I've had writer's block for quite a long time and had plenty of real life problems to deal with.

I'm gonna have to fix the whole "clean slate" thing from IM3 and, without giving away too much, I thought it was a little, well, dumb. Rhodey (accompanied with the President of the United States) was still in one, I doubt Tony would've blown War Machine up if Rhodey was still inside.

Reviews are always the best way to write faster ;)

* * *

As it turned out four was not a crowd, _couldn't_ be if the latest assortment to that had a strong distaste for staying in a place for too long. Pepper wasn't all relaxed and peaceful personality either, no work usually made her uneasy, but Natasha was in on a whole new level in that. She'd stayed for exactly one night and then stole away into the night like some criminal, and Pepper wasn't entirely sure if Bruce's snoring had been one of the most dominant reasons for that (given that their rooms were pretty close to each other). Natasha reminded her of her when she was like 20, without the spying thing of course.

Pepper didn't hold any grudges, though, the only thing she knew about Natasha was their mutual disgust for incompetent people (which was actually kind of sad) and she still had a hard time calling her her real name instead of Natalie Rushman. She just wished she'd stay longer, become the second female person that this house so greatly needed.

Bruce and Tony spent most of their time in the workshop, working on either fixing her or doing stupid things like blowing up one of their cars, again (and again because _"It's not like we have few cars, honey, and plus it's for science" _and _"Oww, why are you hitting me, baby"_). It wasn't like last time, though, Tony didn't miss one date night, got into bed with her whenever she asked and actually had company this time around. Poor Bruce had to work as a therapist more often than not and every time she got a glimpse of them, it seemed like Bruce eyes were glowing dangerously green. She tried not to snicker or linger too much.

Pepper still didn't set a foot into any of her company's offices for the next two months, just checked her emails and called in on a few occasions. She felt awful for neglecting her job so much, but the uneasy feeling in her stomach didn't seem to go away every time she handled more serious business.

She even convinced Bruce to give her lessons in calming herself every Friday. Thanks to him she learned all about calming teas, breathing exercises and the best way not to toast your boyfriend. It worked pretty well so far, Bruce had finally settled in like he was supposed to and didn't try to ask her permission every time he made himself some coffee. And he was able to keep an eye on Tony when she couldn't.

The phone startled her more than she let on, partly because she was currently sitting next to Tony watching cheesy soaps and partly because _it's a goddamn phone, it's supposed to ring. _Tony made barely a sound of acknowledgment when she stirred next to him, put the arm that had been before lazily squeezing her shoulder on his stomach and stood up from the couch. It was date night but neither felt like doing it today, Pepper had been in her office for the first time in months and had felt like an intruder (she really, _really_ needed to go back to work) and Tony had found some complications with fixing Extremis, something to do with her blood. So they just decided to do it some other time, and just enjoy each others company on the couch, which wasn't so bad in her mind.

She picked up the phone and went into the bedroom, to not wake Tony (he really needed all the sleep he could get). When she made a "hmmm" voice into the line, there was no reply other than heavy breathing and that suddenly startled her awake enough to recognize that the caller was female. And that she knew that number, that it was one of SHIELD's many employee's numbers (they always ended with 0019). There was only one person she could think of that had any reason to call. Her voice was shaky when she whispered: "Natasha …?"

"Pepper, are you alone right now?" came the reply. Not as unusual with Natasha, she usually had a problem with normal greetings. It was the tone that alarmed her, the 'I'm-very-sorry-for-your-loss' voice. This wasn't good.

"Yeah, Tony's sleeping," she said, figuring she might as well tell the truth. "Why?"

"There's more of them." Silence. "They have a new head."

_Oh, thank god, nobody died,_ she thought. Her brows furrowed. "Natasha, who do you mean by 'them'?"

"AIM." She'd dreaded it, yet hoped it wasn't true. Apparently it was. Pepper felt like throwing up right there and then, her breathing already uneven. Memories flooded her with such violence and pain that she felt dizzy for a moment and had to steady herself on the wall. The Extremis part in her was screaming _'DANGERDANGERDANGERDANGER' _so loudly in her head she could barely whisper out her next words. "Tell me."

* * *

Natasha was back in their home in only 30 minutes, she apparently had already been driving to them while she'd phoned Pepper earlier. She'd just wanted to give a heads up. There was no heads up good enough to protect her from _this._

Her breathing was barely there and her body shook from every in- and exhale. Her hands were tightened so hard on the soft couch that she could see her knuckles getting whiter and whiter and felt her muscles ache. The memories were still there, flooding her head with words like _'trophy'_ and _'3 % chance of surviving'_ and _painpainpainpainsomuchpain. _She'd already thrown up, which in return had woken up Tony and now they both were sitting on the couch and neither of them seemed too comfortable right now.

_'Don't worry, Pepper.' The smile that follows looks like a sharp's. 'Weaker women have survived this.'_

"We had first thought that AIM wasn't as crowded – given the whole illegal thing –, but the more we looked into it, the more it became apparent that this was a group project," Natasha went on. Pepper hadn't even realized that she'd started talking, her mind was so full that it was hard concentrating on the present. "And it seems that the remaining part of AIM is working really hard to keep it all going without Killian, or his assistant. The new head of it all is still unclear, although he or she must have founded the whole thing for a while and was climbing the ladder while we weren't noticing." She willed herself to think that this was all business. Before the next words slipped out and hit her so hard she choked out something between a gasp and a sob (which Natasha gladly tried to ignore, giving her some control back in the process). "They experimented on children in some poor village in Afghanistan. It wasn't all that covered well but apparently the village had made a contract with AIM to keep quiet about it. The explosion killed the entire village and it took us 2 days to put out the fire."

The silence that followed was oppressive enough as it was, even without both of them staring at her like she was some circus freak. God, couldn't this just _end?!_

"You think they'll come after Pepper," Tony said next to her, rubbing her back absently. It wasn't even a question and somehow the coldness in his eyes made her uneasy. Tony didn't have that many loved ones, but he was _very _protective of the few that he had. Pepper didn't want him to worry himself sick, or to have a relapse. She wanted this all be a huge, cruel joke. "Somehow get her adjusted version out of her and reproduce it."

Natasha's eyes didn't leave hers, even when she was nodding her head slowly. "Yes, but we're onto it." That didn't sound too reassuring. Natasha sighed and rubbed her forehead with her thumb. "Look, I know you'll just give me shit for saying 'Don't worry' but we've really got this. SHIELD bodyguards will be following both of you 24/7, and don't even think of weaseling yourself out of this one, Stark. I can send you the files and all the information we have right now and keep you posted, but SHIELD thinks it's best if Iron Man is staying out of this." She gave Tony an apologetic look and waved her hand through the air. "Emotionally compromised and all."

The thought of _bodyguards_ made her skin crawl. A particular painful memory came to mind with her in 'Phase Two' of the injection, begging and pleading with the guards to give her some painkillers, _anything._ At some point she'd even begged to be killed and they'd just laughed and ignored her. But this was _different_. Wasn't it?

"Can you teach me?" The words blurred out of her without her mind catching up on it, already seeing the corner of Natasha's mouth twitch a little – great, she was still the trophy, the girlfriend, damsel in distress and _damn_ she didn't want to be. "The basics and everything, I mean. I can still fight pretty well while Extremis is taking over, but I want to be able to hold myself without it as well." _I want to take control again. Please help me._

The little twitch turned into a heartfelt smile, something totally _weird_ to look at on Natasha's face. In all the moments they'd shared together, Natasha had never smiled, not really. A few dimples here and smirks there but it was always slightly detached. For a moment she thought she'd imagined it, but there it was. "Of course I can train with you. We can't meet _every _day and we certainly can't train _here_, but I could make up a plan and call you with the info if you want." Pepper nodded so hard she felt dizzy when she stood up and escorted Natasha to the exit (the door, not the window this time).

Both of them weren't huggy persons, but the look she gave Pepper was enough. Their hands met in a hand shake, which stopped midway through. "Call me if you need anything," she said before turning to leave and shutting the door behind her. Pepper didn't even have time to turn around before she heard it.

"Fuck, fuck, shit, fuck, goddamn, _fuck_!" Tony was loud that he'd probably woken Bruce up, clenching and unclenching his fists in a manner that made it look like he was just itching to punch _something_. This was the first time she had ever seen him like this, with his guard completely down, shaking as hard as her. "Perfect fucking timing!"

Her voice was barely audible in the whole 'fucks' and 'shits' that Tony let out of his mind. He also screamed some thing that were way too obscene, even for _him_, so she tried not to dwell on them. She took his hands in hers instead and kissed him so hard they both needed to stop soon after to breathe. _Breathe, just breathe. You're not dead __yet, you're not dead, you won't die, you won't, you won't …_

His eyes were strangely wet when he pulled away and put his forehead against hers. "Sorry," he whispered. "I'm kinda freaking out right now." _This feels strangely like a panic attack._ Neither of them needed to say it aloud.

"I know," she just responded and forced a smile into her face, even if it was a grotesque one, covered with her own tears. She hadn't even noticed when she'd started crying and if it was any other person she would be embarrassed out of her mind, but this was _Tony_. She didn't want to hide a single thing from him, not anymore. "It's okay. We'll figure it out."

"Will we, though?" His voice was still bitter and shaky, if a little better. "I don't know, seems like I should've figured it out a long time ago. I'm sorry, god, I'm so sorry, you deserve better than tha-" She shut him up by kissing him again, because he really needed to stop apologizing or she could promise nothing. They broke off again before it became too heated (and not in the literal scene because, strangely, her temperature was perfectly normal, even if Extremis was rebelling inside her).

"Even you can't predict everything, Man of Iron," she whispered barely an inch away from his lips, his breath tickling her face. There was bitterness in his eyes, but also something else, something rooted way, _way _deeper in his mind. The burning desire to protect and _destroy_ in the process, cemented in his mindset until it was all there was in his expression. It made her stomach roll and she wondered if she really was the only one that could possibly die from the fallout of this.


End file.
